Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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