I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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