i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
