my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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