Someone shit on the floor
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
