sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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