Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
