U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
