don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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