when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
