I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
