Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
