it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
