dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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