she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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