Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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