made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
