i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
