What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
