he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
