May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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