If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
