I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
