I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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