I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
