I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
