they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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