In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
