I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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