i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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