come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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