I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
