Your dad touched me again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
