i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
