I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
