16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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