K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
