i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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