i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
