Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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