Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
