I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
