apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
