If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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