then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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