I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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