get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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