Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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