So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
