I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
