Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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